I used to view my mom as weak – she was a baggage that I could not look up to. She had cancer and suffered from depression, and I didn’t like the way she submitted to men and power. I wanted to be the opposite; I wanted to look strong and confident to the world. My mom was a Christian, which turned me away from believing in God because I thought that religious people were desperate. It wasn’t until I encountered a crisis that I realized that I was wrong.
During my sophomore year of college, I went to a concert one weekend. I drank a lot the night before and got alcohol poisoning, but I continued to drink and even got high. All my friends who took the drug were fine, but I was not. Suddenly I couldn’t hear anything and I became very paranoid; when I looked at my friends, they all had the face of the Devil. My friends decided to take me home on the bus, but I felt like I couldn’t trust any of them and that I was going to die. That was when my panic attack hit: the line we were waiting on for the bus was going to Hell. I called my mom and told her what had happened. My mom then began praying for me, and I knew I had to call the ambulance. I passed out afterwards and woke up all alone in the hospital. The very first thing I saw was a cross, and at that moment I felt so safe knowing that God was there for me. Even in that vulnerability, Christ had been by my side through everything.
In the past, I always knew Jesus was real but I never wanted to go to Him because that meant I failed. I didn’t want to trust Him, but after my crisis, I knew I was no longer alone. After accepting Christ into my life, He changed my perspective on how much my family loves me and how much I love my mom. Most importantly, He let me know that it’s okay to be weak and lean on Him because He is strong. Jesus has got my back.